House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid announced today that from now on all bills passing through Congress will be discussed and approved using the psychic abilities of its members. Touting the success of the recently “deemed” bill on healthcare, Pelosi and Reid decided to go one step further and just pass the bills “using our minds.” “Why go through the difficulty of having to physically appear at the Capitol and vote, when we can get the same results using our brain waves.” The new procedure will include an announcement of the pending bill, then each Congressman would get an hour to study the bill, followed by each member psychically sending thought waves to the leadership after which an announcement would be made of the final tally.
“I’m not sure we can go for this,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, “How will we know if the Democrats will be honest with us?” “I’m going to have to talk to my membership and see what they think,” he added. “It just seems a little fishy.” Asked for his take on the issue, Reid said that it was silly of the Republicans to doubt the good intentions of his party. “What do we look like, a bunch of thieves or charlatans.” President Obama was expected to endorse the new plan. “I think the President is really excited about the possibilities.” stated Reid.