MAN LIVING ON THE EDGE, FALLS OFF

A Bit Too Close

A Bit Too Close

It has been reported that a man living on the edge has fallen to his death.  Jacob Berwanger, of Spokane, who spent the last five years of his life living on the edge was killed on Sunday, under what police are calling, “very suspicious circumstances.”   Reports indicate he had just completed drinking a full bottle of gin when he set out to climb the outside of the city’s 32 story office complex in downtown Spokane.  Witnesses say that they looked up and saw a man nearly at the top of the skyscraper who was teetering on the edge of the building. Berwanger, described by a neighbor as, “a fucking loon,”  was known to constantly push the envelope way past common sense.  Neighbors described him as a guy that would drink a case of Miller Lite then go out in the back yard with his chainsaw and cut branches off his maple trees.   “It wasn’t unusual to see him smoke a joint then go over to a local swamp area we call, Alligator Creek and dive in head first off the top branch of an elm tree,”  said friend Jeff Witman.  “He knew that swamp was full of gators but, that was all part of how Jacob lived.”   “He had more balls than the New York Yankees,” he added.  Berwanger’s girlfriend, Molly Hatcher described how Berwanger would tie a bedsheet to himself and then run full speed off a thirty foot cliff near the Creek while flapping his arms like a bird.  “I think he broke his arm once and later both legs,” she said.  His best friend Josh Quinlin summed it up best when he said, “Damn that dude was one crazy motherfucker.”  Berwanger’s Will indicated his last wish was to have his body dropped into the Mount St. Helens Volcano.  However, it was not clear at the present time if state officials would allow that request to be honored.

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