JOHN PAUL: ONE TRICK AWAY FROM SAINTHOOD

The Catholic Church in its rush to Canonize the late Pope John Paul II, has released information regarding the miracles he was able to pull off during his life.   As many people are aware, in order to be declared a saint, the nominated candidate must have demonstrated his worthiness by completing a series of four steps.  These steps are then evaluated by the church hierarchy to determine if the candidate qualifies.

One of the steps involves a trick which the candidate must have performed during his life that was witnessed by many people.  In the case of John Paul it was determined that his “making a dove appear out of his mitre” qualified him as completing this important step.

The Vatican has been responding to criticism recently that it has been rushing to anoint a fan favorite like John Paul into Sainthood at the expense of lowering its standards on what is truly considered a miracle.    Officials from the Vatican dismiss the criticism.  “We have in no way lowered our standards as to this important step of the sainthood process,” announced Cardinal Josepf Flantzeig, head of the Committee of Consideration in the Vatican.  “The fact that John Paul was able to manifest this bird of peace from under his hat is by no means a small task,” he added.

“The Committee is said to be considering several other “special things,” John Paul is said to have done during his long and glorious life,” said the Cardinal.

“We have it on good authority that while on vacation in the Alps The Holy Father was able work his way out of straight jacket and handcuffs while suspended upside down on a ski lift .  There is additional evidence that he was also able to saw Cardinal Rothstein in half with a chainsaw.”  “If this all proves to be true it will be pretty tough to keep him out.” added Flantzeig.

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