Desperate to infuse new blood into it’s mix of pitchers, Major League Baseball has agreed to allow the Pirates to sign the first Palestinian prospect, Abu el Saleem of Gaza to a contract. This would be the first ever Palestinian player in Major Leagues history. Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig released the following statement. “We here at MLB Headquarters have been looking to make our game appealing to a wider audience and when the Pirates came to us with this request, we couldn’t refuse.” “We are hopeful that this could lead to a number of other clubs taking a closer look at these Palestinian rock throwers,” he added. “I want to commend the Pirates scouting department for picking up on this new source of talent,” he said. “We are going to back him 100% and will encourage our other teams to take a closer look at this region.”
Pirates President, Frank Coonley commented, “We are very excited to be opening the door to a new regional pool of talent for ourselves and the league.” “The credit goes to our scouting department, especially our chief scout, Murray Feinstein, who spotted el Saleem on a TV Newscast, whipping some huge stones at the Israeli Police.” “Murray was able to clock the stones at 98 miles per hour and then worked with the news crew to track down el Saleem.” “When we offered him a contract he balked at first but, when we offered him an apartment with running water and electricity, he came around pretty quickly.” “We plan on delousing him and cleaning him up in the next couple of days and hopefully he will be in Pittsburgh in the next week.”
Pirate Manager, Clint Hurdle was ecstatic when he heard the news and watched the tape of the rock throwers. “I immediately knew which one he was,” said Hurdle. “When I saw that rock fly and bounce off that Israeli Cop’s helmet, I thought to myself, “what a phenomenal arm that kid has,” he could really help us out.” Hurdle said he expects to have el Saleem in the starting rotation by June 1st. “This guy could lead the turnaround we’ve waited 18 years for,” Hurdle added. Saleem’s only other demands were that he not be assigned a Jewish roommate or be forced to shower more than once a month.