Citing continuing increases in traffic accidents and fatalities on its roadways, the state of Pennsylvania has unveiled its plan to install newer, more direct messages to drivers on its highways. At a ceremony in Harrisburg, designed to show off the new signs, Governor Tom Corbett said, “We are really trying to get the message to the morons driving our roads that we mean business and to say it in terms that even an idiot can understand.”
Some of the new signs, which will have a fluorescent green backdrop include the following messages: SLOW THE FUCK DOWN, YIELD OR DIE, SPEED LIMIT ENFORCED BY SNIPERS, and a new Handicapped Sign that still bears the stick figure sitting in a wheelchair but with a new logo that reads, PARK HERE WITHOUT A PLACARD AND THIS WILL BE YOU. In addition to its written signs the state is also planning to make some changes to its visual or picture signs. According to Penn DOT Spokesman Lee N. Onashovel, all arrow signs will use the head of a penis in place of the arrowhead, any human figures on signs will be nude, and stop signs will be made in the shape of a raised middle finger instead of the customary octagon. It is expected that all the new signs will be in place by the Summer of next year.