Pittsburgh Steeler Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger was stabbed, shot and poisoned by a crazed fan prior to yesterday’s game against the Cleveland Browns but, managed to finish the game and lead his team to victory. Steeler’s spokesman, Bob Andrews announcement after the game caught many fans by surprise. In a statement to the press, Andrews stated, “Prior to the game yesterday, a fan entered the Steeler’s locker room and managed to engage Ben in conversation.” “Then without warning he pulled out a pistol and fired twice, hitting Roethlisberger in the shoulder and leg.” “At that point he ran up to Ben and stabbed him in the thigh and poured some bleach down his throat as he lay on the floor.” Andrews continued, “To everyone’s amazement a few minutes later, as the training staff was working on him, Ben got up, walked over to the trainer’s table and instructed our head trainer, to bandage over the gunshots and quickly stitch up the thigh wound.” “Then Ben drank a half gallon of milk to counteract the bleach and informed head coach Mike Tomlin that he would be playing in the game. Due to his injuries Roethlisberger was transported to and from the field in a specialized gurney.
These appear to be the most serious injuries Roethlisberger has sustained since a motorcycle accident nearly killed him a few years ago. Despite the apparent injuries, Roethlisberger managed to complete the game and led the Steelers to a 14 to 3 victory. Steeler coach Mike Tomlin stated that he expected his QB to get a couple of days rest and be ready for the San Francisco 49ers later in the month.