In a bizarre and deadly twist, a North Side man, Edmund Hillary of Drey Street, shot and killed his wife and Santa Claus, as they were kissing underneath the mistletoe last night. Hillary then turned the gun on himself. Police received the 911 call from the couple’s distraught 12 year old daughter and arrived on the scene within minutes. According to the child, the naughty affair between her mother and Santa had been going on for a number of years. “Every year on Christmas Eve I would hide on the steps and watch my mother kiss Santa underneath the mistletoe, in our living room,” she is quoted as saying. “This year, quite unexpectedly, daddy came home early and saw what was going on.” “Before I could stop him he pulled out this gun and shot them both,” said the girl.
“It looks like a tragic love triangle gone bad,” said Sargent Louis Anderson. “It’s truly a shame.” “Now we are going to have to find somebody to pass out the rest of these toys and take care of the reindeer.” Anderson added, “then the worst part will be having to call up to the North Pole and give the news to Mrs. Claus and all the elves.” “I’m pretty sure Christmas won’t ever be the same.”