MAN WHO BELIEVED PEN WAS MIGHTIER DIES AT FENCING EVENT

It's Really Not That Mighty

Sydney Lauper, a longtime Pittsburgh resident was killed yesterday, as he attempted to use a Bic pen to defend himself during an advanced fencing class, at the Sportsplex in downtown.  According to his wife, Lauper who was recently diagnosed with concussion syndrome, due to an auto accident, should not have been participating in the event.  “I couldn’t get him to listen,” sobbed Mrs. Lauper.  “He was such a bull-headed person and look where it’s got him.”   “I should have known he wasn’t acting right when he left the house to drive to the event in his robe.”  Rock Hardon, manager of the Sportsplex said, “we tried to stop him but, he pulled out his pen and started stabbing people and dancing around in a challenging fashion daring anyone to take him on.”  “When he threatened to put one of our customer’s eyes out with his pen, our house pro was forced to take him on and that’s when he was killed.” 

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