SPIKE LEE MISTAKENLY TWEETS MR. ROGERS ADDRESS

I F'ed up again

Spike Lee mistakenly tweeted the address of the late PBS star of children’s programming., Fred Rogers.  Lee, who was supposedly trying to tweet the addresses of black icons Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton was apologetic for his error.   “I was trying to get the information out about how and where donors could send in a few bucks to my bros and I somehow typed in  Mr. Roger’s address instead. ”  “I can’t say how sorry I am for this mistake.”  “Mr Rogers was always one of us.”  “He even had black kids on his show.” 

Roger’s widow told the news that since the address was given out a lot of “guys with hoods,” have been hanging out in the neighborhood.  She says she feels nervous about the situation but,  will try to move on.   Fred Rogers who died several years ago was not available for comment.

ERIC HOLDER RETURNING TO NYC POLICE FORCE

2nd row center

In a surprising turn of event, the Obama Administration”s chief law enforcement officer, Attorney General Eric Holder has announced his plans to return to the Greenwich Village Police Unit where he got his start.   Holder, was a detective in the 12th Precinct for eight years before he began his career in government.   Holder’s boss, Captain Barney Miller said, “It’s great to get Eric back.”  “He’s been gone for a while and we really missed his style and charisma.”  Holder is expected to be reunited with his old partner, Detective Fish,  himself a 30 year veteran of the force.

WAR PHOTOGRAPHER GOES ON SHOOTING RAMPAGE

An independent photographer who recently returned from Iraq and said to be working for the UN, went on a rampage today shooting nearly 200 photographs on the streets of New York City.  Reports indicate the photographer was running up to people on the streets while shouting incoherently and snapping photos nearly non-stop.  According to witnesses, the photographer was sprinting from corner to corner in Manhattan, wielding his camera, flashing it in people’s faces and holding in the shoot button until he was tackled by some construction workers.  “The guy was just running around holding waving his camera all over the place shouting some barely coherent rant about Global WarmingSarah Palin and Fox News,” said Ray Abernathy, a passerby.   “All I know is this guy is sprinting and shouting, waving his camera around and the next thing I know, a couple of workers with hard hats tackle him.”   “All you could hear was the loud click of the camera and I could see people dropping out of panic all over the place.”  “It was terrifying,” he added.

The identity of the shooter was not yet clear but, metro police indicated he will face several charges including; harassment and criminal mischief.   Police plan on examining the content of the camera to look for clues as to a motive.  Spokesman for the UN had no comment.

MORE AMERICANS WORKING THEIR ASSES OFF FOR LESS

 

Working Your Butt Off

According to the American Leader Magazine, more Americans are working their asses off for a smaller payoff.  “I don’t think we’ve ever seen so many folks doing so much for so little,” said magazine editor, Joshua Beggs.  “These appear to be the worst of times for many people who are willing to take on any job, just to put food on the table,” he added.   

“No one would ever expect that many Americans would be willing to take on so many manual jobs,” announced Richard Kingston, head of the American Jobs Board.  “Things like boat pulling,  horse semen collector or anal probe sterilizer,  are jobs no one ever wanted before but, today they can’t be filled fast enough,” he stressed.  “It seems with the economy as bad as it is, we can probably expect the battle for these “plum” jobs to increase in intensity.”

PAYTON MANNING TO ENTER REPUBLICAN PRIMARY

Following his recent release from the Indianapolis Colts, star QB Payton Manning has announced his intention to run for president on the republican ticket.  This means that Manning will enter the primary and take on frontrunner Mitt Romney, as well as Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul.

Manning’s lack of experience is expected to be made up by his solid name recognition.   It’s not clear what his stance is on the major issues of the day but, Manning is known to be  somewhat conservative on the football field, preferring short accurate passes to the deep balls.  “There is no question in my mind that Peyton can run this country,” said former coach Tony Dungy.  “It’s not much different than leading a football team down the field in the latter stages of the fourth quarter,” he added.   “He knows how to lead men into battle and win,” said former teammate Jeff Saturday.  “If I was going into battle, Payton is the guy I would want with me,” he added.  Manning is expected to kick off his campaign with stops in Miami, New York and Denver this weekend. 

NFL ADMITS SOME OWNERS MAY HAVE PLACED BOUNTIES ON ONE ANOTHER

ImageIn a shocking revelation the NFL today announced that the Bountygate Scandal was not limited to players but, may have also included several owners. No announcement was made as to which owners may have  placed bounties on their counterparts but , rumors are swirling around the league.  Details are sketchy at this point and the NFL has yet to announce which team owners are being investigated but, indicated it may involve as many as nine.  “This investigation is just beginning,” said Jon West, a spokesman for NFL Commissioner Roger Goddell,  “so it’s a bit early to make any public comments.”