You Tell Me

A three year study by the National Research Data Institute has found that many of the problems African Americans are facing in 21st Century America are the result of really bad name selections.  The study was able to find a connection among higher rates of crime, teenage pregnancyjoblessnessdomestic violence and the strange first names given to many children over the past 40 years.  “We did a thorough, in-depth study of why so many blacks are struggling despite being given every type of opportunity to be successful and we found the common denominator to be strongly associated with their unusual name selections,” said Rod King, Director of the Research Team.  “We began to find a pattern beginning around 1980, where the difficulties of many blacks in fitting into American Culture began to increase significantly,” he added.  “Coincidentally, this is exactly the same time frame when we saw a large increase in African-Americans switching from giving their children names like Joe, Ricky, Roy, Mary, Elizabeth and the like, to names like Shenquia, Shantina, Taquina, Darquell, Travonte and Antiquon.”   “We have determined that as a result, many of these children feel stereotyped and compelled to act out in ways that previous generations never did.”   “There is something to be said for the pressure of trying to live up to an unusual name,” said De-Andre Jefferson, Assistant Director of the research project.   “It’s much easier to fit in if your name is John, Bill or Sue,” he said.  “It’s a lot tougher not to become a trouble maker when your name implies it,” said Jefferson. 

“I ain’t buying it,” said Rontelle Johnson.  “It’s a bunch of nonsense,” added DeShoney Washington.”   “It ain’t no fo-shizzle on da bo-rizzle.” 


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