According to reports out of the White House today, the Obama Administration has determined that Hurricane Sandy occurred as a result of a video recently produced privately by an anti-Muslim movie maker. According to sources, the video, critical of the prophet Mohammad and Islam was released on the internet in early September. “It’s tragic but, we feel the release of the video ignited the storm,” said White House spokesman, Jay Carney. “On behalf of the president and the American people, I would like to apologize to all the weather gods and I would like them to know, this is not something we condone. ”
After receiving complaints from a number of black activists including Al Sharpton, Jessie Jackson and Jeremiah Wright, the National Hurricane Center has agreed to begin using more “black sounding” names when naming Atlantic Hurricanes. The agency has been criticized for using too many Caucasian sounding names, This criticism comes after the agency only recently introduced Hispanic names to their lists.
The center has promised to follow a specific naming pattern for all future hurricanes which would include: a white male name, followed by a black male name, then a Hispanic male name, followed by the same three using women’s names. The first black name will be selected from choices of DeAndre, Jaquell, or Dontelle, followed by a women’s list of Monesha, Chantrelle, and De’schwanda.
The latest Gallup Poll shows Libertarian candidate Ron Paul vaulting ahead of both Mitt Romney AND President Obama and his lead appears to be in double digits. It’s hard for some to understand how, at this late stage of the campaign, Paul could make such drastic strides. According to Paul’s campaign manager, William Bascom, “We are not the least bit surprised by this development.” “We knew our man was out working very hard to change some minds and that he has been picking up support at a rapid pace.” Bascom said, “We aren’t exactly what tilted the board in our favor.” “It could be his support of a 23% national sales tax,
or his staunch Anti-Jewish or Anti-Black message that is finally getting across.” “For all we know it could be his belief that there should be no age of consent laws or his support for legalizing all drugs. ” “Whatever it is, we are happy for the support as we prepare for President Paul’s first term.
The Catholic Church, long known for its’ live Nativity Scenes at Christmas, has introduced another live display which they hope catches on. According to church officials, the newest live action scene will include a priest or bishop, a large crucifix, and an altar boy as the “hands” in a sundial. The sundials will be introduced before the Christmas holy season begins. According to Bishop Anthony Benifisto, director of the church’s council on new ideas, “we want our flock to enjoy another type of live scene, that doesn’t involve a manger.” “Not that we have anything against that tradition but, we felt as if something new and creative would be exciting.” “We are thinking this may get people back in the seats and get Sunday Mass attendance back up,” he added.
A longtime Geico spokesman, known as the Gecko, was killed yesterday in Los Angeles while filming an ad for the company’s new holiday campaign. According to a spokesman the Gecko was filming a scene in the downtown area when the accident occurred. Apparently, an 85-year-old driver crashed the set and splattered Gecko, just as he stepped out into the street. Police on the scene, immediately arrested the man, who was charged with impaired driving and driving without insurance. According to sources the man told police his gas pedal stuck as he was driving just outside the cordoned off area used for filming.
In a dramatic admission, Vice-President Joe Biden admitted he would have made a much better NFL Referee, than a politician. Biden made the comments shortly after his debate with Paul Ryan yesterday. Quoting an unnamed source who overheard the comment, “Biden said that if he had it to do all over, he never would have entered politics and would instead have put his effort into becoming an NFL Ref.”
After making the comment, Biden showed off his impressive touchdown signal, which was captured by a cell phone camera. It’s unclear if Biden will pursue his dream after January 20th.