POPE BENEDICT TO APPEAR ON DANCING WITH THE STARS

ImageWord from the Vatican is that Pope Benedict plans on appearing on the Italian version of Dancing With The Stars shortly after leaving the Papacy at the end of February.  According to the show’s producer, Guisuieppe Valdronus,  “Our understanding is that the pope wants to do this pretty quickly while he stills has some mobility and agility left.”   “We are so happy to have Benedict in our line-up this season, it should be pretty awesome.”  

Along with Benedict, others signed up to dance this year include:  millionaire’s nephew, Jethro Bodine, reality star, Kim Kardashian, Italian Heavyweight Champ, Girabaldi Spenazzo, TV Icon, Martha Stewart, Italian Racecar Driver, Antinio DelGrosso, fugitivted to sign three more celebrities before taping begins on March 22nd. 

ALABAMA FBI STORM BUNKER FIND REMAINS OF RICHARD IV

ImageIn an amazing turn of events, the FBI in Alabama stormed a bunker in an attempt to rescue a five-year old boy,  who had been taken hostage by a local lunatic, not only rescued the boy but, found the remains of England’s King Richard IV buried inside. 

“We’re not quite sure how his bones came to be here in Alabama,” said agent John Kenny.  “All we know is we went in to get the kid and take down his abductor, and we dig around a bit and find these bones buried a few inches into the ground.”   “Next thing you know we find out it’s the remains of an English King.”  “We have no idea how he got here but, it certainly killed two birds with one stone.” 

Earlier this week the remains of Richard the IV’s father, Richard the III were found under a municipal parking lot in Leicester, England.  “I’d really call this a damn amazing coincidence,” said Kenny.  “First the dad is dug up and now the son.”  “Pretty amazing.” 

When asked how authorities were able to determine it was indeed Richard IV’s body, Kenny replied, “Duh, we found his ID printed neatly in his wallet.” 

NFL UPSET THAT NO WHITE PLAYERS INDUCTED INTO THE HALL OF FAME

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Keeping it Real

The National Football League and it’s commissioner, Roger Goodell, are said to be livid that no white players were selected for enshrinement into this year’s class of the NFL Hall of Fame.  “This is a reverse Rooney Rule situation,” said the commissioner.   If we want the teams to hire black coaches and assistants, then it’s only fair that the Hall of Fame induct a few white guys once in a while,” he added.   “We may have to consider a rule change that forces the committee to consider and interview at least one white player.”

“I know if they would have looked really hard they could have found as least one worthy while guy.”   We just can’t continually put black is in there and exclude the minority Caucasian player.”    According to a spokesman for the Hall of Fame Committee, the group said they looked carefully at all the candidates and just couldn’t in good conscience, find a white guy who earned recognition.   “Maybe next year,” said HOF Spokesman Lou S. Farrakhan.   “Besides you got your token with that Parcells guy getting in>’

RAY LEWIS’ MISSING COAT FOUND IN LOCAL DONATION BOX?

IImaget appears that Raven’s linebacker Ray Lewis’ missing fur coat has been found in a Baltimore Salvation Army donation box..  “The long white fur coat may have been in the box for many years,” says Salvation Army Captain Eddie Reed Jr.  “This box has been in the back of our warehouse for the last 12 or 13 years and was about to be junked, when one of our workmen looked inside and saw an item rolled up on the bottom,” he added.  “When the coat was removed we found a tag inside with the initials R.L. along with the number 52, stitched into the collar,” he said.  “It doesn’t appear we will be able to give the coat to anyone because it seems to have a large amount of red colored liquid dried up all over it.”   “We’re going to try to get the coat back to it’s rightful owner after the Super Bowl.”