PA GROUNDHOG ON THE LAM

ImageReports from Punxsutawney PA indicate that the world famous weather prognosticator, Punxsutawney Phil, has gone into hiding after recent threats against his life.  Phil’s troubles began on February 2nd when he emerged from his stump and predicted that Spring was just around the corner. Unfortunately for Phil, his prediction has proven to be greatly inaccurate as Winter continues to batter most parts of the United States into the end of March with no end in sight. 

“Numerous treats have been pouring in from around the country and Phil is terrified for his safety, ” said his handler Bill Deeley.  “Phil has really been into a deep depression and is scared for himself and his family,” added Deeley.   “He has been keeping a low profile and we’ve even taken the precaution of moving him into a “safe house” but, he still feels threatened.   According to unnamed sources, Phil left the safe house without informing any of his handlers and has gone into hiding on his own. 

Anyone knowing Phil’s whereabouts is asked to contact the Punxsutawney Police

BIDEN TRAINING FOR MIDDLEWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP

ImageVice President Joe Biden has been training heavily for the past four months in order to take a shot at the World Middleweight  Boxing Championship.  Biden’s training has been intense and the determined VP is given a better than average chance of defeating the current champion.  Mister Biden is known for his quickness and his favorite opening line, “put up your dukes.”