STUDY FINDS 40% OF SUICIDES A RESULT OF RECEIVING PHOTO CHRISTMAS CARDS

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PLEASE NO! NOT AGAIN!

A recent government study has revealed that nearly 40% of suicides in the US are the result of receiving photo Christmas cards from friends and family.  “We’ve come to the conclusion that people become very despondent when they receive a slew of these cards showing smiling families with their children and pets, in a perfect , “Ozzie and Harriet” setting,” said study director, Jerry Van Dike.  “When people continually get these cards, depicting all these perfect looking families, it makes many folks very depressed and sad, especially when they consider their own shitty lives,” he added.  

Many times, without even realizing it, these senders, include pages of written summaries of their wonderful families, events and experiences over the past year, and this causes the reader to slip even further into a suicidal state, according to the report.  

What can be done?  Van Dike suggests that people who send these photo cards every year, consider going to a more traditional Christmas Card or, at the very least, consider to whom you are sending these and whether that person has the mental strength to receive something like this.  “One thing is for sure, nobody wants to have the blood of their friends or family on their hands, especially not over the holidays,” said Van Dike. 

PATRIOTS TO GIVE OUT INFLATABLE BRADY DOLLS ON OPENING NIGHT

519nrG8ah8L._SL500_SR100,100_The New England Patriots opening game against the Pittsburgh Steelers was also a fan appreciation night.  The first 20,000 fans were each given an inflatable Tom Brady doll along with a chance to win $25,000 dollars in a halftime raffle.  

“We enjoy the support of our fans all season long and wanted to start off the 2015 schedule with a giveaway,” said owner Robert Craft.  “This is also a celebration of our latest Super Bowl victory and a homage to our Quarterback, for winning his fourth title.”  When asked about the safety of giving fans inflatables prior to a game, Craft responded that he ordered ushers to make sure the promotions were not inflated completely, so as to prevent any injury or security risks.  

The Pats next giveaway is scheduled for Halloween weekend when fans can expect to copies of the opponent’s playbook, autographed by Head Coach Bill Belichick along with a decoder ring which will allow them to pick up and translate the other team’s signals.