BILL COSBY SET TO HOST MISS AMERICA PAGEANT

Dr. Love

Dr. Love

Noted comedian and TV personality Bill Cosby has been tapped to host the 2016 Miss America Pageant.  Cosby made his mark as a comic and TV star way back in the 1960’s, as he released several hit comedy albums and was one of the first black stars of a TV series when he costarred with Robert Culp in the spy series, ” I Spy”   He was part of the cartoon hit, “Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids,” and later as the family patriarch , Dr. Cliff Huxtable in the Cosby Show. 

Pageant directors are said to love Cosby and the way he is able to communicate and interact with women.  Spokesman, J. Sandusky said, “Bill Cosby is beloved by generations of women not only for his comedic skill but, also for his willingness to tutor many up and coming actresses and female comics.”   “Bill is so into helping the next generation of stars, that it’s not unusual to see him take  many to his hotel for personal training and one-on-one tutoring,” he added. 

“We think Bill will be the perfect host because of the confidence and respect women have for him, as well as, his ability to communicate effectively with them.” 

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DRUDGE REPORT TO MERGE WITH CRACKED

Crudge Report

Crudge Report

Reports out of Drudge News indicate the website has agreed in principle to be purchased by Cracked Magazine with the resulting new website and company being called, The Crudge Report. .  “This is a merger made in heaven,” said Matt Drudge at a news conference held in the offices of Cracked Magazine.   Cracked Magazines, head of public relations Al Neumann stated,  “This will merge the Internet’s zaniest, most silly and far fetched website with ours.”  “Nobody can write a more whacked out,  anger-invoking, headline than Matt and his team,” Neumann continued. 

“I expect Crudge, to carry on the highly insightful, right leaning, propaganda filled stories that the old Drudge site did,” said new Crudge CEO, Lem Rushbaugh. 

“Crudge news division plans to increase the number of website ads and distraction causing ads found on the previous Cracked site.  This just looks like a perfect fit for both parties and the ultimate win-win,” he added. 

STEVIE WONDER ASKED: WHAT COLOR IS THAT DRESS?

It's Black Man, Black!Stevie Wonder jumped into the fray regarding the  color of the bodycon dress depicted all over the internet.  There has been much discussion and argument among people as to whether the dress was blue or gold, since many people were seeing it differently.  When asked by TMZ what he thought about the whole controversy, Wonder answered, “It’s black!”  When asked about Wonder’s comment, Jose Feliciano and Ray Charles both agreed, “definitely black” they said.

HEADLINES: JOE BIDEN TO SEEK THIRD TERM AS VICE PRESIDENT

TERM UNLIMITED

Current VP Joe Biden has indicated his intention to run for a third term as Vice President.  Biden held a news conference today to announce his intentions.  He also made it known that he would be will to serve under a President from either party.  “I know I don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of becoming President,” he admitted.  “But, I’m pretty sure America would enjoy another four years of me acting the stooge for whomever they elect as president.  To prove my willingness to stay on, I am changing the locks on the Vice President’s Residence.”  “I know in my heart America wants an entertainer and fun-loving guy in this position.”

When asked about Biden’s intentions, President Obama said, “Joe Who?”

LOCAL NEWS STATION BUYS MOBIL WEATHER VAN TO TAKE INACCURATE FORECASTS TO THE PEOPLE

Wrong Weather on Wheels

Wrong Weather on Wheels

Local news station KDKA in Pittsburgh has purchased a fully outfitted Mobile Weather Vehicle “in order to bring our inaccurate weather predictions out into the field and directly to the people,” announced News Team veteran , Stacy Jones. “KDKA has long been a source in the community for some of the most inaccurate weather predictions in the area,” Jones added. “We want to continue that service to our communities so that our viewers will know what to prepare for the opposite of, as they make plans to travel around Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania or the United States.” “Our viewers continue to make it known to us, how much they appreciate our inaccurate forecasts and always plan for the complete opposite of what we tell them,” says Head Meteorologist Jeffey Vezuvula. “This new mobile weather station will allow us to get into the streets of our communities and bring the best inaccurate forecasts right into the laps of the people,” he added.

Even local sports teams like the Penguins are big fans of KDKA Weather according to Team Owner Mary O’Lemieux. “It’s great to know that when someone from the KDKA Weather Team says it will be Sunny and 70, that we can flood our outdoor rinks and expect them frozen that evening.” “There is truly no substitute for Pittsburgh’s best and most inaccurate weather forecasts and now, we can expect this inaccuracy to brought right out into our streets and communities, it just doesn’t get much better than that,” he added.


NFL RECRUITS WHITE PLAYERS TO BEAT THEIR WIVES IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE RACIAL EQUALITY.

NOW WE'RE EVEN

NOW WE’RE EVEN

In a move seen as a way to achieve racial equality among its domestic violence prone players, the NFL has reportedly asked several of its’ white players to “slap their bitches” around a little, to take some of the spotlight away from the league’s  African-American athletes. “We don’t want to appear to be a racist organization by allowing only our black players to be ridiculed for domestic violence, so we’ve asked a few of our white minority athletes to step up and take some of the heat off the brothers,” said Sam Spade, director of the NFL’s Diversity Initiative.

“It just makes us look racist by allowing our black players to continually, take the fall in the media, for perpetrating 100% of the domestic violence incidences in the news lately.” he added.  “We want to be sure to avoid the reality of the situation and not allow the fact that all of the high-profile players accused, charged or convicted of domestic violence, are indeed, black.”    Spade also stated that he expected a number of white players to begin beating their wives or children in the next couple of days and that the racial balance of NFL abusers should be achieved by the beginning of the week.