OBAMA ADMINISTRATION BLAMES HURRICANE ON ANTI MUSLIM VIDEO

Angry Response to a Movie?

According to reports out of the White House today, the Obama Administration has determined that Hurricane Sandy occurred as a result of a video recently produced privately by an anti-Muslim movie maker.  According to sources, the video, critical of the prophet Mohammad and Islam was released on the internet in early September.   “It’s tragic but, we feel the release of the video ignited the storm,” said White House spokesman, Jay Carney.  “On behalf of the president and the American people, I would like to apologize to all the weather gods and I would like them to know, this is not something we condone. ” 

ROMNEY PROMISES “VANILLA REVOLUTION” IF ELECTED

PLAIN STUFF FOR AMERICA

Presumptive Republican presidential nominee, Mitt Romney, promised his followers a “Vanilla Revolution” if he were to win the White House in November.  Romney’s speech in front of an enthusiastic crowd of supporters, drew huge cheers when he promised his administration will remove the “black cloud” that has been forming over the country the past four years.  Romney appears to be making the idea of a “vanilla revolution”  a major focus of his campaign strategy.  “It’s time somebody stood for plain folks and plain things,” said Romney supporter,  Harlin  A. Smith, of Point Bluff, Minnesota.   “To many of these damn politicians are promising us all this fancy stuff, when all we want are the basics,” added Smith’s wife Thelma.  “If you can tell anything about Mitt, it’s that he’s a plain guy with a plain plan for the plain folks,” said Jeff Davis, of Indian Falls, Oklahoma. 

Romney has indicated that if elected he will tone down all the fancy stuff that’s going on in the White House.  According to Romney spokesman, Alan K. Ryerson, “Our guy is going to be the least flashy President since Calvin Coolidge.”  “Our polls show that this is what American’s want, plainness and nothing more and we’re going to give it to them,” he said. 

BLACK HISTORY MONTH MOVING

3 More Days to Party

By presidential edict, President Obama has decreed that beginning in 2013 Black History Month will be celebrated in March instead of February.  When asked why the change was necessary the President’s Press Secretary, Jay Carney,  indicated that Mr. Obama felt that having the holiday in February, with only 28 days was not enough time to honor the contributions of black folks.  “We want a month with the full compliment of 31 days so we don’t get cheated anymore,” said the President.  “”A lot of black folks just felt that the added three days would allow more time to celebrate our achievements,” he added.  In a related move the White House also announced that St. Patrick’s Day would be moved to January 17th, to avoid Catholic Americans from having to worry about giving up alcohol for the holiday, which occasionally fell during the Lenten Season.  “Now those damn Irish Catholics can drink till they drop and won’t  have to worry about Lent interfering,”  said Obama.  “We’re dedicating this one to good old Teddy.”

OBAMA TO HOST TEA PARTY IN THE WHITE HOUSE

Barack Obama is hosting a Tea Party at the White House in early January.  The party was initiated by the election on November 2nd.  With a number of tea party candidates winning elections across the country Obama indicated he wanted to get out in front of the phenomenon before he gets bounced out of office.  “I’m trying to make friends with these people because I recognize they are on pace to kick my ass out of office in 2012.”  “I’m hoping to open up some dialog with them in order to get them to let me stay in office in 2012.”
No response has been received from the Tea Party regarding Obama’s invitation.

U.S. GOVERNMENT DECIDES TO GIVE UP ON SPILL

We Give Up

After meeting with this political advisers President Barack Obama has decided to order everyone involved in the Gulf Oil Spill Disaster to give up.   In a late evening message from the White House Situation Room, Obama issued a press release indicating that the government was going to just stop trying to plug the leak in the Gulf and in his words, “go with the flow.”   After battling for over two months to cap the leak and attempt to clean up the oil,  this Presidential order will bring all work to a halt,  both by BP and the US Coast Guard.  “It’s time for everyone to just go home and forget about it,”  the President said.    “One thing about we Americans, is that we know when we’re beaten,” he added.  The order states that, “all efforts regarding the Oil Spill in the Gulf are to be halted within 48 hours.”  After ordering the halt, the President was expected to go down to the White House bowling alley to, “knock down a few pins and drink a couple of beers.”

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal when hearing the nears was quoted as saying, “What the fuck is that moron thinking?”  He’s going to kill off the state of Louisiana and probably several others, as well.”   Jindal added that, “there is no fucking way we are going to obey this order here in Louisiana.”   He is said to have mobilized the Louisiana National Guard in preparation for war.

DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS IN RACE TO DESTROY COUNTRY

You’re ALL Under Arrest

The Daily Bugle of Oklahoma City reports on a top secret memo leaked to the paper that outlines a running bet between the Top Democrats and Republicans in the House and Senate involving which of the two will be able to destroy the country first.  “Bush really gave it his all, what with starting two wars, screwing up the Katrina mess and everything else but, we really think we can do it with Obama in the White House.” said Nancy Pelosi.  “We are really going for the jugular with the Economic Collapse, the Stimulus, our move toward Socialism and now the oil spill in the Gulf, I don’t know how we can lose,”  she added. “We hope to have this place buried by the 2012 election.”   “Right now the only thing that could be more helpful is if a meteor hits Earth, ” Pelosi stated.