President Obama has hired Thamsanqa Jantjie to explain to the American people the ins and outs of the Affordable Care Act. Jantjie’s job will be use sign language to tell Americans how the new health care law will work. Many people were shocked to find out that Jantjie will be coming to Washington next week in order to go over the key details of the 2000 page document. “I’m not sure why he would hire him (Jantjie) when he had so much difficulty at Mandela funeral services.” said Irene Anger.
Senator Ted Cruz of Texas said he believes Jantjie was hired “because Obamacare is a national joke and totally messed up, he is the perfect candidate to make sense out of the chaos.”
High Fives all Around
The man assigned to sign for the deaf at the funeral of Nelson Mandela was brought to a standstill during the speech given by President Obama. The crowd was stunned when the interpreter suddenly stopped signing and just stood on stage staring into space. When asked about his sudden “freezing up” during the ceremony, the interpreter, one Thamganga Jantjie, said ” I found it impossible to sign for Obama because nothing he said was making any sense.” “It’s impossible to sign for someone who speaks gibberish,” he added. “There wasn’t anything in speech that can be translated into sign.” “I don’t think I’ve ever been asked to sign such a great amount of BS.”
According to Jantjie, the liberal media in the US is accusing him of being delusional on stage, when in reality, he was just dumbfounded and in shock, when listening to the incoherent mutterings of the US President. Jantjie laughed when asked whether Obama was in any danger from him. “The only thing in danger on that stage was the intelligence of audience when Obama was talking.”
Dead Nosed Reindeer
In a devastating development at The North Pole, it appears that reports of the death of Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer are true. This afternoon Santa Claus issued a brief statement detailing the sad news.
“We here at Santa’s Headquarters are extremely saddened to report that it was necessary to put down Rudolph, our beloved red-nosed reindeer this morning.” What many of you don’t know is that Rudolph was battling cancer over these many years and that his red nose was really not a light, as we depicted.” “Unfortunately, his nose was red because of an aggressive form of carcinoma, which lodged in his nasal passages and manifested itself in the form of the bulbous red nose that you all saw.” Santa continued, “It was Rudolph’s decision to keep this condition quiet, so as not to upset his millions of faithful fans and the children who loved him so.” “Sadly, in the last few months this condition worsened to the point that Rudolph had great difficulty breathing and over the past few weeks, had become entirely bedridden.” “It was after careful consideration of his wishes and on the advice of North Pole doctors, Mrs. Claus and I made the decision to withdraw life support and immediately afterward, have Rudolph put down.”
It was not known which reindeer would be elevated to the position of sleigh leader that Rudolph held for so many years. What is known is that Santa will be in need of a at least one replacement reindeer. Top candidates include, Speedball, Mushroom, Slayer and Bob.